Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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