you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
