hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
