last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm both gender and math confused
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
