a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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