There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
