then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
