So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
did i just pee glitter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
