saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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