Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
