I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
