Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't shave. On purpose
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
