you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize