I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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