I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can text with my tongue
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
