No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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