So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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