Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
