We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
