So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
