It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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