That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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