I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
