Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
