I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
