covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
