i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
