Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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