I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
