So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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