omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
