please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize