when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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