come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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