He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
