you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
