im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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