Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
