i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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