One girl and one boy is just not enough.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My bed smells like the plague
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