apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
