Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't motorboat a personality
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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