Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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