idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this boner is exhausting
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
