When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
