Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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