We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
