Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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