Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
