Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
