ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
