am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
