had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
