I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
