What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just sent this text using only my big toe
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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