Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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