I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
