did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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