We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize