She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
