this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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