just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
